I cant believe how hard it is to function lately. I feel spaced out or disassociated a lot of the time. Attention span is brief. Couldn't spell before, can't spell at all now? Easily overwhelmed. Can't hardly look at Facebook right now. Going to have to make another adjustment before I can tolerate it again. I have to take tremendous efforts just to stay on track daily. The animals snap me back to reality if I happen to be spacing out while in the middle of feeding them. They don't let me forget to finish that task. I am getting ready for the convention in Charlotte and feel like I'm doing pretty good. Only one doll is giving me grief. I have been keeping to myself mostly because of the weird neurological things going on. They mostly happen in the morning and right now, pretty minor. Mostly a twitch in my left hand that although is slight, it can cause disaster. I drop, spill and knock over shit all the time. This morning was my 49th birthday and thank goodness we had already celebrated it the other night. Nothing big, just dinner and beers. This morning Brussell (the bat) was finally able to get me to wake up. He's learned that he can get my attention by beating his wings on his cage. Some nights I have to tell him to stop it, lol. Well I got up and felt dizzy and disoriented as Hell. I just knew I was kicking off growing older with a nice stroke. I also felt so overwhelmingly sleepy. I fed Brussell and went back to bed. I didn't feel good all day but kept it to myself as usual. I have few days where I feel decent anymore. I'm in disbelief at how much of a stubborn asshole my doctor is being about the referral back to see my neurologist. There's a bill here from her office that won't get paid either if this how she's going to treat me. After this convention I'm finding a new doctor. I never should have brought up Lymes with her and especially the condition of Morgellons. She looked it up at the CDC and that's all she needed. Now I guess I'm just full of shit about this Hell I'm having to self treat. I've been wondering lately why is this thing being dismissed. It seems to be reported worldwide yet it's getting nowhere fast in the research department. Is someone afraid they will have to compensate? Is this something our iodine deficient bodies are now unable to defend against? Iodine seems to be killing off some of the weirdness. Coconut oil also seems to kill and flush out skin creepiness. Mineral oil works about as well. When this all came about I thought it was mold or bird mites. Then I remember coming across Morgellons and decided it wasn't "for real" so I kept up my search for the identity of this problem. Nothing fits. So many times I thought I'd finally debunked this thing and it's just _____. Today, I wonder if it's a horse hair or thread worm. I saw images of bugs infested with these things. Maybe the bugs are passing them onto people ? But no matter what new theory I come up with, I still go back to thinking its a predator type fungus. I saw the red threads actually attach to anything considered to be edible. They just attach and slowly draw the food to the ??? It is inhabiting at the moment. I think that is the slight crawling sensation me and Brussell feel at night. We both start kicking about the same time. It's gotta be seasonal too. It's March and just like the last two years, it's crawling on me again. Gotta order that Grandma's parasite pill. The ingredients of Wormwood and black walnut is what I think keeps the crawls from happening. Yeah, that's something else I never gave much thought or merit to before was herbal supplements. When I ran out of cat's claw for two weeks just recently I had severe neck pain that had me in tears. When I first started taking that I used to sweat almost very night and the smell of the sweat was like nasty metal. That's the only way I can think to describe it. I still have muscles in my neck and shoulder knot up for no reason. It hurts but not too bad mostly. Another thing I wonder about is the Borrellia bacteria. Is it the reason this thing is not getting the publicity? To keep people from panic. Resistant maybe to everything? It also somehow makes your body unable to ward off those things you used to deflect naturally. It's overwhelming at times. I do just break down and cry feeling so helpless, hopeless and defeated. It's a nasty feeling having. You feel gross and everything around you does too. There's a damn reason this thing is being hushed! If we can figure out why, then maybe we can get somewhere. I am still looking for a logical explanation for this.
